Resolutions
by Melchy
Summary: Carolyn ponders the beginning of 1969 by looking back at the year before.


The characters from the Ghost and Mrs. Muir belong to 20th Century Fox and David Gerber Productions. They got the idea from R.A, Dick. They made the money I don't.

Carolyn pulled the covers up over her son, smiling as she watched him sleep. He had played hard that day, sledding with his sister down the hill over and over again, walking with Scruffy along the water's edge, throwing a stick that the little dog never tired of fetching, spending time with Captain Gregg, working on a ship model, then dinner, a rousing game of Yahtzee, watching the ball drop on TV, eating the traditional good luck meal of pork and sauerkraut, then shooting off fire crackers in the front yard. It was well past 1:00 and despite his protest that he wasn't tired one little bit; he had fallen asleep in five minutes flat. She leaned down to kiss him, indulging in the ability to stroke his forehead and cheek. His hand moved involuntarily and she thought it would brush hers away, but it actually covered her own and he left it there for several moments, before rolling over and away. She smiled, feeling at that moment that her heart was so full of love it would burst.

Turning to her daughter, she found the girl was also asleep, her stuffed rabbit held tight against her chest, her rose petal lips in a perfect pout. They had spent the day together, going for a walk by the bay, indulging in a snowball fight, drinking hot coca while they looked through the store catalogs and picked out what they would get if they had all the money in the world. While Candy had been sledding, Carolyn had finished the dress she was working on for that night--a sunshine yellow frock with a sash and square neck, just like the girl had wanted. She looked adorable in it as she ate her dinner and then played a song for them on the piano that Martha had taught her. But it had been back to jeans and a sweatshirt for the rest of the evening.

Watching her two hoodlums on the front lawn, fearlessly setting off firecrackers and sparklers, she had sighed in happiness thinking this is what she had wanted for them. To be happy, content, well cared for and loved.

She turned off the light and walked silently out into the hallway. The grandfather clock below struck half past the hour and she knew she should head off to bed herself. But first there was something she needed to do. Switching on the light as she walked into her room, she went straight to the desk, rummaging around until she found a small notebook. The front was dog-eared and some of the pages were crinkled but it was what was written on those pages that mattered. She flipped through until she saw what she wanted and then stopped. Up at the top written in a steady hand was the year 1968. She read down through the items that were listed there, noting that several had been crossed off. The last three at the bottom of the page hadn't been crossed off like the ones before it and she raised a pencil to do just that but hesitated. Was she really that bold to think that they had been realized?

"I figured you'd be a bed by now." the velvet voice of the Captain was heard before she saw him appear. "I can leave if you wish."

"No." she shook her head, smiling at the resident specter, happy for his company. She had watched him in delight as he had observed the children that evening, wondering if he would have liked to join them. Maybe by next year.

"I still can't believe you wouldn't let me flip the lad's dice over," he grumbled good naturedly as he leaned against the desk, his eyes looking down in to her own.

"That wouldn't have been fair. " she smiled. "Jonathan had to win the game under his own power not yours. Besides it's just a game of chance, not real luck involved."

"I'm not sure about that, " he smiled. "How many of what do you call them, Yahtzee's did Candy roll? Three or four."

"She did have an unusual amount." Carolyn agreed. It was a fun game, I'd forgotten just how much. We hadn't spent a night playing games together in a long time."

"It does seem as though you are often busy" It was an observation, not a criticism and she took it as such.

"I am. Busier now than I thought I could ever be. But you know, it's a different kind of busy. Even though I'm usually pounding away at that old typewriter, hoping to pay bills for the month, I'm still here. I hear them get up in the morning, come home from school, play and quibble and go to bed at night. I'm not constantly at some charity to please Marjorie or my mother, or entertaining at some dinner party that neither I nor, well, that nobody wanted to be at."

"It is funny about things like that." He nodded. "And I do mean that in a strange way. I used to grumble that I did much more work when I was home than I ever did aboard ship but it was different and I didn't realize how much I enjoyed it until it was too late."

She took a look at her list and sighed.

"Your resolutions?"

"Yes," she laughed." I made them every year for as far back as I can remember but I think this was the first year they really meant anything. I always wanted to loose weight, help the community more, and campaign for a good cause, that kind of thing. But this last year, I sat down and thought about what I really wanted to do. To tell you the truth at the end of last year I found myself at a loss as of what to do. I had lost my husband, my house, and I feared my sanity. I had lost my way of living, most of my money and that sense of security I had worked so hard for. And so I sat down and made real resolutions last year. And then I did something about them. Not just that would be nice, but really worked to try to attain them."

"And did you?" he knew he was being nosey but had to ask anyway. After all she had just told him more about herself in the last five minutes than she had in the last three months.

She touched her pencil to the top of the list and put a check mark. "Find new place to live. Accomplished. Find means of providing for family. Accomplished. Let Ralph know that I make the decisions. Mostly accomplished" and she giggled. "Try to focus on the future, not the past." She hesitated and he looked down, noticing her face was turning the most brilliant shade of red.

He pretended to ignore it and nodded. "Accomplished?"

"Most of the time, but not always." She admitted. "But I think I've also learned that sometimes it's okay to spend time in the past. As long as we don't loose ourselves in it."

"Agreed."

A comfortable silence laid between them, something that Carolyn found was happening more often. It had terrified her at first, feeling this content with him. There were so many set backs to starting any kind of relationship. . But maybe, they really didn't matter.

"I notice that three of them are not crossed off." he brought them out of their reverie.

"No. " she shook her head. "They aren't. And I was just trying to decide if I should."

"Well, I won't keep you." he rose to his full height. "I'll check the premises and make sure we are secure and that all is right."

"Thank you. "

"I wish you a good night."

"Good night Captain. "

She sat there for several minutes after he had left, staring into nothing. Warm house, a good friend, beautiful children, food on the table, wolf abated, and a new friend, a special friend. Not to mention an adventure of a new place, in different surroundings, a real fresh start. Going down the page, she crossed off the one that said _find home_. A house was far different from a home she had learned this last year and it was nice that she had found them in the same place.

The clock struck two and she knew she needed to be in bed. Once more she glanced at her list and sighed. Carefully she placed circles around the last two items and smiled. She'd work on those. Who knew what 1969 would bring? She certainly didn't. But she was ready for it. This she knew.


End file.
